LOVE OR FEAR:AFTER HEARTBREAK THE CHOICE IS YOURS
There are fundamentally only two emotions that exist. There’s FEAR and LOVE. Fear are the emotions that are all of a lower vibrational energy – such as anger, resentment, lack of forgiveness, frustration, doubt or hate. Then there’s love, which is the highest vibrating energy there is. Love is comprised of higher vibrating energies such as peace, joy, acceptance, compassion, and forgiveness. Our thoughts create our reality. So, if we are in a negative mindset and continue to ruminate on these thoughts that play out in our heads like a bad film, otherwise known as “monkey mind”, then we are sending this low level frequency out into the Universe. By doing this, we are telling the Universe that this is the reality we want to experience. Through Source (ie. God, Spirit, or whatever name you choose to use to describe a higher power) we are powerful creators.
Source energy courses through our bodies – and the soul, which is made of pure white light, is what helps us to communicate, cultivate and manifest all that we desire. Through our thoughts, emotions, and intentions, we are co-creators with a Universe that wants to grant us our every wish. If we wish to have a peaceful, joyful, healthy and financially stable life, then this is the frequency at which we need to think, feel, and set intentions to manifest this blissful reality. We all experience pain on our journey in some form, which could include the loss of a relationship from separation or divorce, heartbreak or loss of a loved one. When we are in a place of sorrow and deep despair, we can experience a broken heart. How do I know? I experienced this, I felt it.
On March 1, 2017, I separated from my (now ex) husband of seventeen years. Although I was the one who had walked away from a relationship that was one-sided and lacked deep connection, this major life change brought about a number of difficult emotions that although were natural under the circumstances, was the most challenging period in my life. There were times where I didn’t know myself and moments where I wondered how I could have misjudged him for so long. Who was this man that was hurting me with his dismissive, belittling words? It was during all of the chaos that I felt my heart chakra shut down. Here’s how it works. When we experience deep painful emotions, like rage, disappointment, and despair, because of repetitive thoughts and the emotions that result from these lower vibrational energies, this negative energy gets stuck in our chakras.
Also, not only was I grappling with the loss of a long term marriage (which has been proved equal to losing a loved one) , but my father was diagnosed and hospitalized with fourth-stage laryngeal cancer one month following the separation. Although I had a strained relationship with my father before his diagnosis, when I learned about his illness, I began to try to heal the anger and resentment I had held against him for so long. I visited him as often as I could, after work hours. My mother needed the support of her three children as the only man she loved, her life partner, her husband was withering away.
Added to these two significant losses, I witnessed a traumatic event at my father’s bedside that remained imprinted in my psyche – and left symptoms of PTSD (i.e. flashbacks, hyperarousal, depression/anxiety, withdrawal from society, avoidance of stimuli that causes recall of trauma). My father was suctioned by an inexperienced respiratory therapist and in the wee hours of the following morning, I discovered my father lying in his hospital bed with his gown and bed linen covered in blood.
Two days later I began to envision blood on the necks of my children, myself, and perfect strangers. A body of water was colored red in my mind’s eye. I was triggered horribly by loud noises or anything that reminded me of the trauma
I jumped into action, refusing to allow the fear to control me and sought help wherever I could. I began neurofeedback, which is a therapeutic technique, that helps to rid of emotional/mental issues (anxiety, depression, ptsd, panic attacks) and also began sessions with an EMDR (eye movement desensitization reprocessing) specialist for the trauma that had remained.
Anxiety, depression, and panic attacks followed soon thereafter. I also felt a deep sense of guilt for not only sleeping through the night while my father was in pain but I was also beating myself up for leaving my ex-husband and causing a break in the family unit. Added to all of this was a reconciliation with my husband gone bad. When we tried to make it work again following the separation, I was on the receiving end of mental, emotional and an isolated incident of physical abuse. It took me five months to feel strong enough to leave him again – and when I did, I left him a second time and never looked back.
I made a choice to turn my pain into purpose. And, it is a choice we all have to stay in a space of suffering or to make a conscious decision to change the script. We incarnate over and over again to learn lessons our souls need for soul growth and expansion. We can choose to take the lessons learned (ie. self love, acceptance, compassion, forgiveness) and become the hero of our own story. I made a conscious choice to use my background as a therapist and life coach to not only empower myself to heal and thrive after heartbreak but most importantly to empower other women in similar circumstances, to walk away from something and someone that no longer serves them or grows them. And help them to recognize the strength, beauty, and resolve inside of her – and is found inside of us all. This is my passion. This is my purpose.
Because of the mental anguish and difficult emotions experienced after heartbreak, we are likely to encounter energetic blockages. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of negative thought after negative thought and was faced daily with emotions that were not serving me. They were all thoughts and emotions of a lower vibration – and eventually being stuck for months in this lower energetic frequency created a blockage in all but one of my seven chakras – the seventh chakra or crown chakra.
Let’s take a look at the seven chakras to better understand how energy can get stuck and hold us back from living the happy, vibrant, abundant lives we have been created to live. The first chakra is the root chakra and is located below the sacrum bone. This chakra gives us a sense of safety, security, balance, and life purpose. I felt unsafe everyday for almost 2 1/2 years straight and just couldn’t shake the fear of something bad happening to myself, my family, and the world at large. I would wake with fear gripping me and immediately, the fight or flight mechanism was activated. My sympathetic (the fight instinct, gas pedal of our autonomic nervous system) nervous system was in overdrive and my parasympathetic nervous system (flight instinct, the brakes) was not functioning as nature had intended. I was in a state of complete, unshakable fear.
The sacral chakra is the second chakra and is found just below the naval point. It is responsible for our ability to adapt to change and is what helps us to stay flexible in our daily lives. When energy gets stuck in this chakra, we fear change, become emotionally unstable and depressed. I had always been relatively flexible person and welcomed change with open arms but because of the circumstances of my life at that time and blocked chakras, change was virtually impossible to embrace.
When the solar plexus, or the third chakra (just above the belly button) is blocked, we lack confidence, vitality, and find it hard to step into our power. There could also be poor anger management or decision making.
The fourth chakra is the heart chakra. When we have a blockage at the heart’s center, loving and accepting yourself and others does not come easily. And being open to giving and receiving love is difficult. I had always loved with an open heart but because of the negative thoughts and emotions that kept cycling within me, my mind, body and spirit took a direct and brutal hit. Loving myself and my loved ones took effort. The energy was stuck and I could feel it.
The fifth chakra, or the throat chakra (in the region of the throat) may get blocked when we go through heartbreak. When energy gets trapped in this area, you may experience difficulty in speaking your truth, voicing your wants, needs, and what you stand for. It is important to note that energy could get blocked in all of the chakras in any of the life stages (childhood, adolescence, adulthood).
The sixth chakra, your third eye is located just between your brow point. This is your intuition, and your ability to experience a clear knowing of this world and other worlds. Through the sixth chakra, you are able to access your inner guidance and an inner knowingness that the path you are on is the right one and will feel a deep connection to your life purpose. When the sixth chakra is blocked, it is difficult to make decisions, you doubt your purpose, and feel that life is not significant.
The seventh chakra or crown chakra connects us, as spiritual beings to Our Creator, Spirit, Source, or God (however you choose to identify a higher power) and is what kept me grounded when it felt like my whole world was falling apart. My connection to my Creator was the only chakra that did not have an energetic blockage. I am immensely grateful for this. I was not myself, my thoughts were scattered, disorganized, and I felt a deep sadness from within. I was angry, sad, resentful, and unforgiving of myself and my ex husband. I tried to mentally shake these deep, dark, heavy emotions but couldn’t. I continued to get messages from the Universe telling me that it was important for me to change the content and quality of my thoughts so that I can co-create a happier reality for myself.
Although releasing and letting go of painful emotions does not happen overnight, I knew I needed to sit in my discomfort with these emotions. Each time a negative thought or emotion entered my conscious mind, I acknowledged it, saying “ok, this is rage.” I recognized the emotion and accepted it for what it was here to teach me – and allowed it to flow through me. It is important to go through this process and use healthy coping mechanisms such as screaming into your pillow, going kick boxing, or chewing a hard food, such as a carrot and allow the pent up energy that is within us to be released.
I was then guided by the Universe toward Kundalini yoga and meditation. Kundalini yoga, it turns out was the key piece in helping to move the residual negative energies that continued to haunt my thoughts and emotions. Kundalini yoga is beneficial for those who experience anxiety, depression, or trauma of any kind. It is also very empowering for women, which I must admit was a huge deal for me, as I had decided by then to make female empowerment my life purpose. Through kriyas or exercises specific to Kundalini, breath, and mantras, the energy began to shift inside of me. As I stayed committed to the practice, the energy become more bearable each day. My thoughts that were once clouded by darkness from the pain, sadness and other deep, heavy emotions started to get lighter, clearer, more positive. Ever so slowly, with commitment to daily meditation and my yoga practice, affirmations, and positive self talk, I shifted and elevated.
It is important to shift and elevate our thoughts when we experience any kind of deep, inner pain such as heartbreak. When our lives are altered radically and a path of uncertainty is your new reality, it is important to shift our thinking and mindset, which then elevates our energy bodies and vibration.
Although my journey had rough terrain, today I understand that my soul came here to grow and to expand. It’s what we have all incarnated to do. We grow from the lessons we learn through the challenges we face and overcome. It is in those difficult spaces of time that we find ourselves, acknowledge our resilience, and understand that love is always the answer. Choose love, every time. Sat Nam.